actually, I'm a sock model
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
