Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
