Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
