so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
