I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
