I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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