i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
