I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
