I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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