I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
