GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
