he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
