Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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