toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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