I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
