just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
