so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
