They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
