he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
