you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
