i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
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