I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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