Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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