ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
