I have demons in me.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Is Oprah even human
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
