Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
