you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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