i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
