He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She bit a glass in half.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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