Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
