Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
