Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
