Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
