Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
