Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
