I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Dear god my vagina.
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