You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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