Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
