mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
