I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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