I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
