Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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