So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
