sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
