when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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