last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Randomize
