If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
