Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
