Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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