it was like eating out sand paper
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
