so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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