Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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