So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
