I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Less talking, more tequila
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
