I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
