She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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